How to help a Child if a Parent has COVID-19
If a family member gets sick with COVID-19, there are going to be a lot of questions on your mind, and plenty of anxieties. If you have kids, one might be “How do I help my child understand what’s happening without giving them nightmares?”
Get an Anatomy Encyclopedia for Kids
First, COVID-19 is an illness of the body, and just like any other time when a family member gets sick, they may not have the background knowledge necessary to interpret what they’re being told. For instance, children often don’t understand basics about anatomy and the human body. If they’re asking about health or their bodies, use developmentally appropriate tools to help them learn. Pictures help tremendously. There are plenty of children’s anatomy books out there for you to pick up, if you don’t already have one. These will come in handy at other times as children learn about bodies.
Use Simple Language
If a parent is hospitalized with COVID-19, it’s likely children won’t be able to come to visit in person due to the need for strict quarantine. However, video chat is still recommended. Still, it can be scary for children to see a parent if they are surrounded by medical equipment or have tubes/lines/drains visible in the video. Prepare children for what they might see by explaining the basics ahead of time. Something simple like “Daddy is going to have a tube sticking out of his arm when you see him. That tube carries water and other good things into his body – it’s one of the ways the doctors are keeping him healthy.”
If you’re puzzled on how to explain a medical term or procedure, check out the app Simply Sayin’. I’ve used this with families of my patients in the past with good success. The app has a glossary of kid-friendly medical definitions, and a “preps” section that describes common procedures. There’s also a section of pictures you can use to show your child a medical device they might see in advance. You can even draw on the pictures with different colors, to make it fun and educational.
Help them Understand the Context
Kids may also benefit from age-friendly books that help them understand COVID-19 more generally, like what COVID-19 is and how they can stay safe. Searching “Kids COVID” in Amazon returns a whole list of books. Have your child help pick one out, and then read it together.
Keep Them Involved
Kids benefit psychologically from having a “job” to do, or a way they can contribute. If you have small children, you know they enjoy “helping” in their own way. Children may feel helpless if a parent is in the hospital and they aren’t able to visit. Help them feel like a helper by giving them a job to do. This can include making a “Get Well” card, drawing a picture to decorate the hospital room, recording a video message of love to send electronically, or helping to make inspirational posters. Older children can write in a COVID-19 journal, too. Learn more about the COVID-19 journal in my book, The COVID-19 Survival Guide.
Be Honest, Not Scary
Some parents are tempted to keep secrets from their children about what is really going on, or even to lie to them about where a parent is. If you can recall being a child, you’ll know that children may not understand everything, but they absolutely know when they are being lied to, or when something is wrong and they aren’t being told. This can be counterproductive because it can make children feel even more anxious. Instead, be sure to give them accurate information using words they can understand. If a child is asking a question but you’re afraid the answer will scare them, you still need to answer the question. When I work with children in the hospital, the rule of thumb is “if they’re old enough to ask, they’re old enough to know.” Think of a way to make the answer less scary. For instance, if your child asks, “Is Dad going to die?” you might respond with, “This sickness can kill some people, but not very many, so it’s most likely Dad will get better and then come home once he’s feeling stronger. And the doctors have treated lots and lots of people who have gotten better, and they’re getting really good at it. Plus, Dad is really strong.”
What you should NOT do is use your children to manage your own emotions or fears. Don’t vent to your child or express your deepest darkest worries. Make sure you have another adult helping you get through this process so that you can vent these worries to someone with the emotional capacity to process them with you. Then, when you’re feeling more centered, approach your children from an honest but confident stance.
Get Help From an Expert
If you are able to visit the hospital with children, be sure to request a consultation from a Child Life Specialist. These are specially trained consultants who can help you translate medical information in a way that your child will understand, depending on his or her age.
To learn more about the COVID-19 journal and what kids of different ages can do when a parent is hospitalized, check out my book, The COVID-19 Survival Guide.
Be well,
