Eight common misconceptions about seeing a psychologist

Real talk: there’s a lot floating out there about seeing a psychologist that’s totally untrue. Have you been thinking about making a psychology appointment, but have some reservations that are holding you back? Here are eight misconceptions that everyone gets completely wrong.

Once we’ve cleared these up, you’ll be ready to dial that appointment line.

1) You'll lay on a couch and talk about your mother

Once upon a time in the early days of science, some psychologists used this technique, called "psychoanalytic therapy" with some success. Essentially, at that time, it was better than nothing, so it seemed like it worked miracles. In fact, if you want to lie on a couch and talk about your mother, you can still find some professionals out there who will be happy to do that with you. But the truth is that the science of psychology is way past this. You're more likely to sit and talk casually, work on a worksheet together, be assigned readings and homework, and be invited to examine your thoughts carefully than you are to be asked to lie back and talk about your family.

2) If you say what you really think, you'll be judged

We all have deep dark secrets that we think would make people abandon us if they really knew us. That's called shame and it's extremely common, but also treatable. Psychologists train for 6-8 years to make sure that in a session, you experience warmth, a nonjudgmental attitude, and generally positive vibes from them. A good psychologist will tell you if you're not making sense, and tell you how they feel in response to what you say in a session. This is called having a "strong therapeutic relationship" and it takes years of practice and training to be able to get it just right. But rest assured once you find a psychologist you vibe with, it'll be easier than talking to your BFF over a glass of Pinot Grigio.

3) They're going to tell you you're crazy

If I had a nickel for every time I started a psychological evaluation and someone half-jokingly said, "So, you're here to tell me if I'm crazy?" I could quit my job in the hospital and sail around the world. I wouldn't, because I love my job, but I could.

If you have a valid mental health diagnosis, your psychologist will work with you to figure out which one/ones, and then tell you what diagnosis or multiple diagnoses might fit your concerns. Please rest assured, "crazy" is not a valid diagnosis.

4) You could get in trouble

True fact: psychologists are bound by laws, ethics codes, and licensing boards to keep their lips sealed about everything you say in a session, no matter how embarrassing or awful. The only exceptions to this are in cases of abuse/neglect, imminent threat or danger of harm to you or someone else, or in some states if you report unethical conduct of another medical professional. So your story about how you stole beer out of the gas station case when you were 15? Totally safe.

5) It's a bunch of kumbaya nonsense

If you're into kumbaya nonsense, you can certainly find a therapist who will do that with you. But if you're like me and you like lists, schedules and worksheets, you're in luck! Most psychologists these days use a combination of warmth, talking it out, and using structured, evidence-based techniques to help retrain your brain to think differently.

6) Therapy didn't help me before, so it must not work

I bought a cheap drugstore wrinkle cream once and guess what, I still have wrinkles! Does that mean I should give up on skincare?

If you saw a therapist and didn't get much if any benefit, it might be due to a few different problems. Ask yourself these questions:

1) Did I have a really strong therapeutic relationship with that person, or was I on edge when I talked with them?

2) Were they using a worksheet style, when I'm more of a kumbaya kinda gal (or vice versa)?

3) Was my therapist an expert in the condition that I have?

If you're going to someone who specializes in childhood anxiety, but you're there because you're feeling depressed about adjusting to a recent medical diagnosis, you're with the wrong provider. Sometimes it takes "dating" around a while to find the right person who's going to vibe with you. Don't give up. Keep going until you find someone you want to work with - because when you finally feel it click, you can see amazing results.

7) My BFF’s college roommate is a therapist so I can just talk to her

By all means, reach out to the people you love to get advice and support. This can include friends, family, clergy, even your hairstylist. But never make the mistake of assuming that anyone other than an independent mental health professional is going to be able to treat your symptoms effectively.

First, the likelihood that your dog's best friend's uncle's barber's daughter is an expert in your particular symptoms is extremely low.

Second, unless you're entering a professional relationship, you're not covered by confidentiality laws, meaning that person could blab your secrets to other family or friends. The health of your brain and emotions is not the place to start pinching pennies - get yourself a real psychologist and treat those symptoms now, so you can move on with your life.

8) a psychologist can read your mind

Don’t worry about this one - psychologists can only read your mind during a full harvest moon.

Kidding! No one can read your mind. Not even someone who has trained for nearly a decade to be able to help you. So, if you want to get the most out of your therapy, you’re going to have to be open and honest. Psychologists have doctorate degrees, not crystal balls (disappointing, I know).

So that’s it! Hopefully this clears up some of the common misconceptions about psychologists. Now make that appointment!

Be well,